Wednesday, January 13, 2010

DiFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN & WOMEN

-NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. -EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. -BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
-GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Differences Between Men & Women
-SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
-CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
-DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
1. "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."
2. "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."
3. "In class, the syllabus is more important than you are."
4. "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
5. "Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."
6. "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."
7. "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame"
8. "Textbook is confusing...someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."
9. "Have you ever fallen asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term."
10. "This class was a religious experience for me...I had to take it all on faith."
11. "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
12. "Problems sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."
13. "Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing-It's a great stress reliever."
14. "He is one of the best teachers I have had...He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."
15. "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."
16. "The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon."
17. "TA steadily improved throughout the course...I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
18. "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose--spraying in all